Dedication or lack there of!

So I swore when I started this blog I would be dedicated in writing down the things in my life that were happening. Yeah, I haven't done that . . . at all! So here are some pictures to catch you all up. (A post on our Boston trip should follow soon . . . I hope!)

VALENTINES DAY

Matt cleaned our office/storage room and then did breakfast in bed.

He is so cute and thoughtful!

DRAPER TEMPLE OPEN HOUSE

It was so great for us to be able to go with Dad Gibson, Kari and her kids to the temple. It was so great to watch their faces inside but especially to be in the Celestial room with my Dad and Kari.

St. Patrick's Day

We cooked Irish Sausage and had cheese, fruit, salad, crackers Jello & cake!

Todd Hooper and Steph Cockrell Joined us.

And there is a little photo update for you all!

There's a New Leaf That I've Turned Over

In Seussical:the Musical the character of Gertrude proclaims: My eyes are too small. I have very large feet. And I'm not very proud of my pitiful tweet. But I've now got a tail That is something to see...

Gertrude felt that she had to take pills to make her tail grow and that by doing so she would be more beautiful.

I've felt like that. If I get my nails done, if I do my hair a certain way or color, if I dress a certain way that I will be happier and more people will like. The truth of all that...It Doesn't...AT ALL!!!

So let me tell you the truth about me: My eyes are big, every time I went to a makeup counter I was told it was like a canvas...they may have thought that was nice, I sure didn't! My nose slopes like a ski jump...I like that.

My lips are too small and no matter what I try lipstick doesn't stick...ever.

My skin is very fair, I don't tan easily but when I do it sticks for a solid year. Unfortunetly so do bruises and scars that shouldn't be permanant.

My hair is curly in New England but straight as a board here. I like to change it's color because I like the change of it...today I want to go back to natural, tomorrow I will probably want burgandy again.

The size and shape of my body aren't exactly what I would choose for myself but then again I choose it by loving to eat out and not loving to exercise the difference off!

I have really big hips that ever doctor has told me will be great when in childbirth...it had better be because buying jeans sure is a pain! :D

Oh yeah, and I have stretch marks.

My right big toe toenail refuses to grow straight and drives me crazy.

My favorite freckle is in between two of my toes...it's my birthmark...I think.

That's my body and for once I am choosing instead of being ashamed and wishing to change it I AM GOING TO EMBRACE IT!

My body may not be what you would want but it suits me. I am happy with it. I have decided that I may never fit a size 4 jean again (I haven't in years) but that is okay. If when I look in the mirror and I am okay with what I see, what the world says doesn't matter.

I am not a size 2 but I am beautiful! And anyone reading this is beautiful too. You are the only you out there so be the best version of it you can be. And you can't be the best version if you don't love yourself.

Appreciate the flaws, the differences, you have that make you uniquely beautiful...then I promise you will see the world in a whole new light.

Self worth

"Man has two creators, his God and himself. The first creator furnishes him the raw materials of his life -- the laws and conformity with which he can make that life what he will. The second creator -- himself -- has powers he rarely realizes. It is what a man makes of himself that counts. " William George Jordan

Do you ever find yourself asking those eternal question of "why am I here?" "what good can I do?" "does anyone actually love me?" I think we all feel those things from time to time. I know I have and as I talk to people about it they admit in the privacy of the conversation that they too have felt that way.

Now upon looking at any person you may not see the struggles and challenges they face. You never know what is going on inside a person, what storms are raging in their mind.

Lately I have been seeking help to better understand myself and to learn coping mechanisms. You see for me coping is not something I actually do. Instead I bury the problem pretend that it never happened or it never hurt me. Although loud and opinionated I find that I let people walk all over me because I don't want to hurt them. I want them to feel good about themselves and because of that I make myself feel like crap by not fulfilling my own needs.

I am trying to stop that. I am trying to gain that self worth I was taught about in Young Womens. I am trying to recognize in myself the beauty that I have and to feed it, I am also trying to cut the bad things from my life to deal with problems then let them go.

I don't know why I am posting something that feels so private, but I guess it is that I can't change without help and just having other people know makes me feel better. And who knows maybe my journey will help someone else.

I play a huge part in creating myself. I am the master of my life, the choices right or wrong that I make are mine to make. I can't live in fear of sparing anothers feelings if it means hiding my own continually. I am allowed to feel, to choose, and to do what I feel is best for me. And so are you.

*Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God;* D&C 18:10

The Power of Prayer

I love the power of prayer.

In the past few days, even though things have been far from perfect I have rarely felt closer to my father in heaven. I am so grateful for the eternal and supernal gift of prayer and how it helps my life to be better.

I remember praying for things as a child. "I'll know you're real if I get...." Did anyone else pray like that? I think he gets that one a lot.

As I got older prayer became my once chance at solitude in a busy day. I quickly decided that needed to change and began attending the temple on a more regular basis. I love the feelings that one may have inside the temple. I love the experiences that I have had there, especially being sealed for time and all eternity to my dear husband, Matt.

We thank you for your prayers in our behalf. Know that they are helping. I wish I could explain the situation farther but for the privacy of those involved I don't feel that would be the right choice.

I do want to let you know of our gratitude for your prayers and for the gift of prayer itself.

This world is a crazy place!

So on Tuesday I had my interview. I got off at about 12:15 and was able to run some errands before having to report at my interview. I have to say I looked the part. I was a little sad to see that while this branch has such high scores, I personally felt there level of professionalism was way lower than our branch. I want the job just so I could fix those things!

The interview seemed to go well. I feel that I answered myself clearly and directly and really got to focus on the things I feel our important for a Customer Service Associate, namely amazing customer service.

I hear a butt load of people applied for the job, yet that doesn't worry me in the least. If I am the right person for the job, I will get it. If I am the wrong person I won't. Would the pay increase be nice? Heavens yes! Would I love carpooling with Matt? Most days, yeah I would! (we both like to drive :D ) Would I like getting off by 5 Monday-Thursday? HECK YES I WOULD! But more importantly I want to be hired because I am the right fit for that branch. If I am not the right fit then I want to stay at my branch where I love the people I serve so much!

Our personal lives have seemed to be turned upside down. Sometimes things just don't turn out or work in the way you want them too. Matt and I are doing fine and our marriage is strong there are just some problems from the outside that we are finally facing. For those of you who believe in prayer we would appreciate being added to yours.

Well I should actually get ready for work since I need to be there in less than 15 minutes.